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January 2009

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maybe i'm not trying hard enough.

i haven't done anything this week.
i don't even think i've "left my yard"
i need to get out of my house.
i need to be with my friends.
i miss erica.
i miss taylor.
i miss shayna.
mostly erica, i pretty much haven't spoken
with her since june. wow.
what a great "best friend" i have.
i'm so sick of saying she's my best friend.
she's not. she doesn't talk to me, she doesn't call
me up to hang out, and her life is consumed with
her stupid ass, dipshit of a boyfriend. yeh you know the one.
i miss shayna.
i feel like lately i can tell her anything.
but she's always with marisa, or chelsea.
i need her.
i need to be closer to her.
i know i have tay.
i will always have tay.
she is all i need.
i wish i was able to talk to her more about
"deep" things. i don't know how t describe
what i want to be able to talk to her about. just 
stuff to ramble on about like what i'm afraid of, wy
i'm so insecure, boys, she's ot good to talk to about boys
but i'm trying. i feel like my friends are the only thing that 
get me through each day. and that makes me happy because
that means i can count on them, ahh i'm feeling extremely shitty
right now but insanely happy. i'm happy but sad. i love my life but 
hate it. paradox, take that miss. mcdonough (;