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Apr. 16th, 2008

vacations suck.

i never hang out with friends on breaks.
i hate it.
my friends all hang out with their other friends,
but its never me.
im the one who always gets left behind.
thats the way it's always been & how it will continue to be.
i make the attempt, i say hey lets hang or go malling.
it never works out.

lately it seems like nothing is working out
for me. nothing is going right.
lately i've just been giving up. not even trying.
i don't even want tot go to school anymore.
I get ignored, and lunch sucks b/c  people are douche bags.

i need someone to come & pick me up.
tell me to keep going. tell me everything is 
all right. someone who will talk to me
about random shit, talk about nothing for 
hours, thats all i need right now. blah.
i need "inspiration" i guess you can call it.
i haven't written anything in a while.
i have nothing to write about.

im falling behind in school too.
i just stare off into space & think.
i hate math, im not looking forward to it
when we go back. i failed our last test.

ik i always say this but i want to change.
not change but evolve i guess.
become tara, i don't want to hide behind
anyone anymore. im tired of hiding.
its just that im so darn insecure
about everything, everything i do, everything
i say. it sucks. i need confidence.

i love track.
i love the people in track.
no offense guys but their wayy cooler
than my "school friends."
their real. all my friends at school seem fake.
except tay i love her :]

i think im going to go outside and attempt
to write something. i need to chill out.

byee xD


Apr. 10th, 2008

Writer's Block: Spilling Secrets

What secret (your or someone else's) do you wish you'd done a better job of keeping?
Uhm no one really tells me any secrets.
I don't really have incredibly close friends
that do tell me everything.
I mean Taylor is amazing really.
She's the perfect friend when I want to
be goofy & have fun. 
But when it comes time to talk about
things like: fears, boys, life in general
she's not really the person.

Track is amazing.
I feel like I'm meeting new people,
even though I'm not.
These people that I rarely ever talk to,
are awesome.
Natasha & I have gotten wayy closer.
I love her she is radd :]


Erica was talking to me alot lately 
really thought things might be 
getting better. But guess what, nope.
Things are the same. No matter what
I do. I miss her like crazy :[

I miss Shayna too.
I haven't had a friend over in weeks, months.

I need my friends.
I need them more than anything.
Anyone.

Blah. I want one best friend.
 

Mar. 31st, 2008

Writer's Block: All in the Family

How do you think having siblings (or not having siblings) affects who you are as a person?
 
Wow this deff. applies to me. having a younger sister has deff. made me less mature
than someone who has no siblings. as a 10..12.. year old i always
hung out with the neighborhood kids. and considering they are all younger
than me. makes me like them. i know for a fact that i am way more
immature than anyone. its just me. some days i do wish i wasnt but 
then again you have your whole life to grow up, why rush it.

gooday mate ;]

Mar. 30th, 2008

well...

i went and saw the play last night and wow.
it was amazing.
throughout the whole performance i was disappointed
that i wasnt on the stage with them.

i auditioned for a part in a play for the first time last year, and i had
like 4 lines which was good at first and then i realized
how fun it was and i told myself i would do it freshman
year, and well i didnt.

so without a doubt next year...count me in :]

thats it for now.
adios.

Mar. 27th, 2008

stupid day.

i did not feel like talking to anyone today.
from the moment i stepped into the 
auditorium. all i wanted to do was listen 
to my ipod all day. that's what i feel like
doing now too. im so glad tomorrow is
friday. im sick of school.

ahh. nothing else. goodbyee. 

Mar. 25th, 2008

Writer's Block: What? Everyone Doesn't Like Me?

Why do you think it is some people don't get along with you?
 Well the people I don't like, I tend to be over mean too.
That could be a reason why they don't like me

I can be very sarcastic, which isnt always so "attractive."
Maybe that's why some people don't like me.

The people who mean the most to me tend to not get along with me sometimes because I think I am too clingy. I need a best friend.
I wouldn't be able to make it through the day without knowing theres someone there I can always talk to. That one person who I thought filled those requirements has grown away. But maybe you don't need just that one person. 

I want to be able to walk up to anyone and start a conversation. I'm tired of being so timid. Blah.


gooodbyee.

Mar. 15th, 2008

Writer's Block: Meaningful Words

What is your favorite quote? And why?
 "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are" is my favorite quote.

I don't feel like growing up is something you have to do.
You don't have to "grow up", you can be goofy, fun, immature and mature, responsible, serious all at the same time.
Who would want to get all caught up in "growing up" when you could be having the time of your life with your 
best friends.
Who needs to get into "serious relationship" where all you do is see that one person every weekend,
and you leave your friends behind in the dust.

But when it is time to grow up, it takes courage because in the end every one is scared to grow up,
no matter what anyone says. Then once you do "grow up"  you can be whoever you are.


Usually I tend to care way to much about what other people think, but you wanna know what its hard not to.
I know for a fact that I am incredibley insecure about nearly everything I do. Which I hate because it's almost keeping
me from being who I am.
I also know that I am probably one of the most jealous people on the face of the earth, I look through myspace and get jealous.
All the girls I see, smiling with their best friend, being extremely "thin". It's hard not to be jeaous of that.
I know that if one of my friends were to read this they would say "Tara, no you don't need to be like anybody else, or you're perfect the way you are, or stop thinking like that.." I hate when people say that to me.
No one knows me, except me.
No one understands me, except me.
No one knos how I feel all the time, except me.
So when people say that to me, their wrong plain & simple.
I don't want to be the person I am right now.
I want to change.
My "body" and my thinking.
I just want a little similarities to the girls I'm jealous of.
I don't want to be insecure or jealous anymore.
I'm sick of it.
goodbye.
 

Mar. 7th, 2008

I need change.

I need something to change.
I want something to change.
I want something  new & exciting to happen to me,
Nothing ever does.

A new person.
Anything.
My birthday is soon.
And that marks another year of my
life gone. And 14 has felt like a waste.
I did nothing,
I want 15 to worth it.

I want to start fresh.
Make the girl I really want to be.
Buckle down get the "body" I want.
Then start becoming who I want to be.

I wish I could move somewhere else.
Get a fresh start.
make a name for myself.
Instead of just being there.
I want people to say "Oh that's Tara,
that gorgeous, smart, fun girl! " Variations 
of that  are welcome :]

Sometimes I find myself talking to no one.
I don't know whether I'm talking to myself,
or someone. I have been brought up to have
no religion, so I don't believe I would be 
talking to god?
It's only when I start thinking about how bad I want
to look like my sister, to be as thin as her is when I
find myself wishing with all my heart that it will
work out for me. I don't know who I'm asking
just I guess whoever will listen.


That's what I need.
I need someone to listen to me talk.
That's what I need right now.
These things I want to talk about aren't things
Taylor wouldn't understand, and Erica would just say oh 
Tara your fine the way you are blah blah.
My mom and I aren't very close at all.
I can't talk to her.
I just need someone to listen to me.
I need a bestfriend.

I need what my friends have.
Christine & Hannah.
Connor & Everyone, really.
Marisa & Kayla.
Erica & Shayna?

I need one person.
That wants to be with me every minute.
Cry with me in the middle of the night when I call her.
Have a sleepover with me every weekend.
Talk on the phone for hours about nothing.
Be insanely mad at one minute then run
and scream through the hallways until 
we are happy again.
Someone who knows me better than I do.
Someone who can pick me up when I fall.
I just need that one person.

Why can't I have that one bestfriend?
Because I let people walk over me.
Because I hide my felings.
Because I'm shy.

Why?

Feb. 28th, 2008

Better.

My friends have actually started being better.
Erica told me today that she misses me.
She hasn't been over to my house in a long time. 
Which makes me sad.

And then Shayna says she misses us.
Which makes me happy because I now
know she cares.

Me and Chelsea Town. have been talking more too.
Last year we used to be so, so close.
This year is different.
I'm feeling better.


I'm actually feeling a little more confident lately too.
I feel good about how I look, how my grades
are for the most part, ect.
I'm still not to the point where I want to be, but 
my confidence is building up.


I'm feeling better.

Feb. 12th, 2008

I'm feeling Bittersweet.

I'm feeling a little better about myself.
I now have a job at Greene Ivy Florist,
(The Cato Flower Shop)
Which makes me feel better because
I now feel like I'm "growing up."
I don't to be that goofy, immature Tara.
I want to be mature, confident Tara.
And for some weird reason its makes me
feel like that Tara. I have only worked one day
now and already I feel better.


I'm feeling a little better about my friends too.
For the most part my friends are smiling at me 
when I walk down the hallways, instead of 
pretending they didn't see me. Especially
Shayna, we were extremely close last year and
then boom high school, she's gone. And now that she
doesn't sit with us at lunch anymore I miss her.
I miss her smile, she can always make me smile.
And now we laugh, and talk, and yeh. I'm happy 
about that. I love her. I knew she was a great friend,
but now I'm realizing she is one of the most amazing
girls I have ever met.

So for the most part I'm feeling better lately.
yay. finally. im outt. later skaters.

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